257-2017 (Stelli: Why do I feel so much anger inside? And, why is it so hard for me to accept love and to feel it inside of me?) First, we must talk about the fear that exists inside. Though there is on one level the conscious acknowledgement of the priority of God in your life, of being willing to accept what God and this life energy has to offer you, there is still sometimes the frustration of knowing that there is karma to be overcome. The frustration of knowing that every choice is not available. The understanding that freedom and the understanding of freedom need to be seen in a broader perspective. All of these things are challenging to the idea that you can have everything you want. There are attachments and desires that get in the way. These are true for every human being, and even though the universe exists because of the abundance of God, the true understanding of that abundance can only come when there is the complete surrender to the knowledge that the only thing that you need is God. In some ways, there is both the fear and the anger related to the fact that the ego and the understanding of one’s identity cannot have what it wants, and that its understanding of the world in which we live needs to change. That it needs to surrender to a process of transformation over which it has no control and to which the ego fearing this lack of control becomes angry at the natural order of all things, because it truly is ignorant and does not understand all of the ways in which the abundance of God is provided. These are very deep-rooted fears; fears that the intellect can often explain away; fears that the ego can dismiss as unimportant or is not of equal value to its spiritual counterpart. These are things that the ego uses to assert a pseudo-spiritual understanding of freedom, of transformation, of abundance, of just about every spiritual understanding of God’s process. The ego can use the knowledge that the abundance of God is available to everyone at any time and place, and yet mislead the individual with regard to the balance, the values, and the understanding of the order that is the essence of the universe. When these things come into conflict, it is frustrating and anger can erupt. But understand that the eruptions and the anger also signals that the answer is close at hand; that the transformation is coming, because the anger will run into its own creation, its own fear, and it helps identify the obstacle to one’s inner peace. When the being sees this, just as we have described with karma, there is the sense that it has been learned, but the learning is always in the application of the knowledge, so that there is no magic giving or transformation that occurs simply because you know. And often the ego when confronted with this, having realized the trap that it has set for itself, it fears annihilation of its own doing and becomes angry at the spiritual order that exists. How different it is for Jeffrey if he can see the traffic in front of him is part of the spiritual order of the universe in which he lives. How different it is for Stelli to understand that the work she is doing in a seemingly material, unconscious realm of existence is part of the spiritual order in the universe in which she lives. And it is the same for everyone. An awareness of this carries with it a certain or special understanding of consciousness. And part of it is like holding the secret that both of you spoke about earlier: it’s a secret that in many ways cannot be shared, because every person has to come to grips with these parts of their own being. And yes, you ask yourself, how is it that we all have to work on this, and yet at the same time, isn’t it so amazing that everyone has to work on this. This is the world which all of you, each one of you has created. And knowing that everyone has created this same world, then it’s no big surprise to understand why there is so much anger in this world. And all of you can keep trading it with each other if you wish or you can simply stop. Each person comes to this anger in the sense of it meets this anger through the particular circumstances of their own life. So yes, there are those things for women to overcome. There are those things for men to overcome. There are those things for all humans to overcome.